Holy Crap....literally

A first grader pooped his pants today and literally stunk up the whole school. It got so bad that the other grades were asking the janitor to find out the culprit. I found him. It wasn't hard considering it made my eyes water a little bit. I just can't figure out why the kids sitting next to him didn't figure it out before me. This would never happen in 6th grade....
Hopefully.

Professional?

I guess I have to grow up. It's true, I'm a 6th grade teacher. Well, not yet. I have been hired as a 6th grade teacher at the elementary right next to my apartment. I am being "pulled out" of my student teaching, and starting in the 6th grade November 16th, where I will be observing for 1 week, then I will take over my own class the 23rd. It's all so fast, but I couldn't be more excited. I had a meeting with the other 6th grade teachers tonight, where they thought they were overwhelming me, but honestly, I was absorbing everything they were saying as a completely excited first year teacher. I feel pretty lucky and blessed to have been given this opportunity! Taking over someone else's class is a tricky thing. First of all, the students are used to another teacher and her routine, rules, homework, etc... Also, I won't have the whole summer to set up my class and get everything ready for all of my students. The teacher will be taking her classroom library, so as far as books go, I think I better start begging Barnes and Noble for some free ones. Do you think they accept brownies as bribes?
I have decided that if I don't go to sleep at the grandma hour of 10, then I am cranky the next day. Not just like, "Don't bug me" but, "Seriously, if another child asks me to sharpen their pencil, I will mortally wound one of them." So, I go to bed early. If I do, I am so happy the next day and everything is so much better.
Here is another Anne moment she just shared with me. Today, Anne wore two different earrings on campus. Big deal, you say? Well, it kind of was a big deal. Not only was her hair pulled into a ponytail, thereby leaving her ears fully exposed, but she wore one big silver hangdown earring and one big pearl hangdown earring. She said she didn't notice until 1 pm when she went into the bathroom and, with horror, discovered her fashion faux-pas. Anne, this is why I love you.

bucket lists and anne

Right now I am sitting at my neighbor's house typing on their Mac.  I am not a Mac person.  I have been raised by a father who has nearly religious beliefs about PC's.  However, I will say this; I love the feeling of typing on a Mac.  There is something about the clicking sound and the way the keys strike so directly into the keyboard...  Basically, I have considered getting a Mac for that reason only.  

I am on Fall Break right now.  I have had the last few days off of school because most of Utah's schools are also out.  Unfortunately, most of you who read this blog go to BYU and therefore do not have a Fall Break because BYU is finding any reason to keep you in class and not gamble, drink, elope, stay out past curfew, drink caffeine, walk barefoot or let your facial hair grow out (except some girls; they are allowed because no one is brave enough to tell them to shave).  So, to all of you, I'm sorry.  But, for my friend Anna and I we decided to not let this break pass us by.  We didn't want to do the usual, "What movie should we watch?"  No, no.  We made a bucket list instead.  We started these lists the other night and we plan on adding to them and simultaneously doing things in order to check things off our lists.  So far, we have done a few.  (Admittedly, we sometimes do something fun and then add it to our bucket list for the enjoyment of checking something off, but who cares?  It's our list.)  I can't say all of the things we have done on here, but I will say if you heard Miley Cyrus singing, "Party in the USA" on the first floor of the library a few nights ago, you may have been listening to one item of our bucket list being checked off.  I have decided that everyone should have a bucket list just for the heck of it.  

I live with my cousin Anne.  Anne provides many entertaining moments for me.  For instance, last month Anne and I were in our room together, getting ready to go to bed.  Our beds have been built up about 50 feet off the ground.  Seriously, they are high.  So high that management built us little wooden steps we can place by the bed to climb on.  Well, I had already conquered my mountain of a bed and was sitting on top of it, when Anne says, "Hey, Emily!  Watch this!"  I look over to see Anne running towards her bed, steps strategically placed at the bottom.  In my mind I was thinking, "This is going to end in disaster."  My thoughts were accurate, and Anne would agree with me.  Her foot hit the step.  Then her body hit my bed, her bed and then the floor.  This was not a graceful fall like Megan Fox would have in Transformers.  This was more of a 3 Stooges moment.  It was HILARIOUS!  

The other night, Anne and I went to Wal Mart.  At the checkout, Anne says something to me about being kind of out of it.  Then she tells me that while we had been separated in the store, she had started pushing our cart looking for her next item.  The only problem with this is that when she looked down, it was not our cart.  This was a young couple's cart with their infant child in it.  Yep.  Anne is a child kidnapper now.  She said the couple thought it was funny, but she just kept saying sorry then walked away.  Nice one Anne.  Love you.

That's what she said...

This post will actually be what "he" said. "He" being men/boys in my past that have said things that are really awesome. As my friend Josh has said about me, "You meet SO many stupid people." And my friend Cory, "I wish I could beat up some of the guys you have told me about." I recently had a dumb thing said to me and thought to myself, "I should write a book." Well, I'm not that motivated right now, so I'm going to settle for a blog. Note: All of these things were said in total seriousness. None of them thought they were funny. Unfortunately.
1. "You're reasonably witty."
2. "I told you you were my best friend, but who even knows what a best friend is? I mean, how can I tell you that you are my best friend and tell Mike (names have been changed) that he is my best friend? I think I have to take it back."
3. While in the hot tub: "Check out these guns." (He was dead serious)
4. "Every girl I have ever made out with wants me to be her serious boyfriend. I'm not joking. I am only telling you that because it's a fact."
5. "We can go out again, but only if we don't spend any money."
6. First night meeting this boy:
"Let's go make out in my car."
"No."
"Alright, well then let's go up to my room."
"No."
"Why not?"
7. "Girls only like boys because society tells them they like boys. Scientifically girls could be attracted to both boys and girls. You have just been raised to like men."
8. While playing Boggle: "Oh, well, my words are better than yours, so I get more points."
9. "I have single handedly brought back many of my friends to the church. I mean, without me, most of my friends wouldn't be where they are today. "
10. "This girl really wanted to date me, but she was too fat. So, I didn't want to be rude or anything, so I just told her, 'When you get a six pack, we will date.'"
11. While holding my hand: "Well, my old girlfriend and I get along great. I mean, maybe will get back together soon."
12. While in a serious relationship: "I think I need to take Jessica out on a date in a couple of months when she gets back to Utah."
"Wait, you want me to just sit around and wait for this girl to get back in town? Then, if you like her more, you will dump me?"
"Well....yeah."
13. "You look like a mess!"
"Um...thanks? You could have at least kept that a secret."
"Well, did you want me to lie to you?"
14. "Once I kissed the ugliest girl. She was gross. At least I let out some stress."
15. After inviting someone to hang out: "Yeah, maybe I'll stop by. I'm going to this party, but if it totally sucks I'll come visit you."
16. "Don't you just love the feeling of having a really good pee?"
17. "Oh, so you're Natalie's sister? You're 23 and you have a baby."
"I'm 23. No baby."
"23?"
(He couldn't comprehend this.)
18. While telling a boy about something going on at school: "Well, if I cared one bit about what you were saying, maybe I would listen."
19. "So you want a gym pass? Why? To lost weight?"
20. While walking around the temple with a boy (against my better judgement-also note I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt): "Emily, I have a confession. I can't resist a girl in a hoodie. Give me a big hug." Then later, while looking at my lips, "I love that kind of lip gloss. It tastes really good."
21. In front of my face: "Michelle is prettier than Emily."
Okay, there are so many more of these, but I think this list is long enough for now. I wish I could say none of these had ever been said to me, but unfortunately, this is my life. I can only hope to attract more strange people in my life.

You know you're old when...

Alright, I'm not saying 23 is old, but that doesn't stop people from making funny faces at me when I tell them I'm single. It's ridiculous, but in the world of BYU, 23 and single usually means you're weird. I suppose I am going to have to accept the fact that I am a little weird and get on with life. So, even though I know I'm young, here is a story to illustrate the BYU mentality:
Last night I was introduced to some young men. They were all 23 or 24. One of the first questions they asked me, "How old are you?" "23." "Oh." End of conversation. Their eyes glazed over. I could see their thoughts swirling around about what could be wrong with me if I'm at BYU and single and 23.
That's it. That's the whole story. But I ask you, would an old person do this?
I kind of posted that for a little positive self-talk.
2nd story.
My mom shared with me today what she did last night. My mother stayed up until 12:30 last night watching TV. (This is very unusual. She does not watch much TV, nor does she stay up until 12:30 unless she is talking to me about life.) "What were you watching?" I asked. "An infomercial about menopausal women." "What?!" "Yeah, Marie Osmond was advertising a drink called 'Keep It Cool' for women with menopause." I asked her if she secretly wanted it. She did. Poor mom.
On a younger note, my dad also stayed up until midnight with a group of young men from our ward. He's a crazy party animal! That makes me feel better about all of our lives.

Things that make me laugh

Now click here and watch the first little bit.
Also, listen to some of the stories my fifth graders wrote. Ridiculous. I'm not going to change any of their punctuation. This is 100% authentic fifth grade writing:
Jason was a cow, an amazing cow.Jason the cow met Jason the boy .Jason the boy made Jason the cow a home and named Jason the cow bob and Jason the cow did not like this at ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So jason the cow got mad and left to idaho and jason the boy was so sad he left to idaho to go and find is big black and white best friend of a cow
But oh no he couldn't walk tat far so he just decided to not go.
But one day he looke dout his window and found the big fat cow of his.so he eat the big up!! I like frogs said the cow. I thought you were a frog/cow. But I will not eat you.
YET!!!!!!! MW HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!! Evil eggnog it is time to mix you with diet soda and COOKIES!!!! Now I will have the power of diebetees!!!! That is the most discusting thing I have ever herd, in my life! I think that I need to go home. Oh no you don't other wise you I will thorwup right now.
That is the future of our America, people. Hard at work.
There once was a boy named Billybobjoe. Well, that not his full name. His full name was Billybobjoe Carsonbobo Joe. Yes his name was very werid. Well on day he was waking to school and a tiny bully named SAM (Yes whenever You see her name it is all on caps lock.) and she said, "GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY!!!!"But he didn't so he got killed and that was the end of Billybobjoe. Billybobjoe 2 was eating lunch when SAM 2 walked up and said GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY but he said no so he killed him that was the end of BillyBobJoe 2. billybobjoe wet to heaven and he had a great life and he cam dowan and he killed Sam. And sam died from billybobjoe 3 ha ha ha. Billybobjoe died and then the end not. Suddenly the principal came, and in a deep voice boomed, "don't you know rule five million the second, no killing." "No" replied sam number two curtly, who was sitting in the smarty pants section of the hall.
Guess we need some writing lessons?

So much to say...so little time...

Wow. Just wow. I haven't blogged in forever. Honestly, I probably don't have much of a reason to blog because for some reason blogging seems to appeal mostly to married people who post a gazillion pictures of their children eating ice cream and going to play-dates and such. I don't have any children of my own, but I DO have 26 fifth graders that I am "babysitting" everyday. I am student teaching at Wasatch Elementary, which is just a hop, skip and a jump away from my apartment. (If I'm being honest, there is no hopping, skipping or jumping going on. I drive. I'm pathetic.) Anyway, I love it. Truthfully, I cried everynight the first week and a half. For some reason, I just couldn't handle the fact that I am close to having my own class. I would wake up exhausted everyday, despite the fact that I was going to bed at the unruly hour of 9:45. Then I would go to school, be ignored by the kids, but on the rare chance they would even look me in the eyes it would be only to make a comment like, "What's your name again?" or "No, I will not give you my red pen which for some reason I find amusing and like to take apart and put back together and I have been trying to hide for the past 3 hours." Kind of ridiculous.
But then it happened. I fell for them.
This class is the hardest class I have ever had to teach. Not only do many of them have SEVERE behavior problems and half of them failed their end of year tests last year, but they also display no feeling. Completely apathetic about school, life, reading etc... So, why did I fall for them you ask? Hard to say.
I'm going to blame it on Mason. Mason is a little boy in my class who has all of the qualities listed above multiplied by ten. He just moved here and has a hard time making friends, let alone being nice to anyone. But, for some reason, Mason and I have become friends. He tells me things and I listen. He opens up and I listen. He tells me about dumb boy things and I listen. Mason is that kid that all of the girls hate, but someday they are going to love. He's the bad boy. But, on occasion, Mason shows me a side of himself that is hard to not love. The other day we had a chat where we talked about why it's so hard to make friends. He cried, I cried. I can't say I felt very professional, but I will say my resolve to be a teacher strengthened.
People don't give enough respect to teachers. I can say that because I'm not a real one yet. But, really, they are underappreciated. You are a counselor, a teacher, an artist, an event planner, a test grader, a babysitter, a history expert, a math expert, a mentor, a janitor, a time manager, a public relations specialist, a computer programer and so much more. On top of that you are expected to make a significant impact in both the educational and emotional dimensions of each student for the year. And yet, this is what I want to be thanks to students like Mason. There are so many more of these children that I could write paragraph after paragraph about, but I will try to move on. I will say that there is nothing more tiring yet fulfilling than coming home from a day when you know you helped 26 children become better citizens. I think I was meant to come to this "class from Hell" because I needed to learn unconditional love. And it worked!
Right now I am also nannying for a sweet family from my home ward. I love all of their kids, but I especially love the baby. He is darling, and if I could have a child just like him I would be the happiest person in the world. Last night we danced to "Deck the Halls" while he tried to imitate the "fa la la la la" part. Too cute.
I love Fall. I took a drive last week by myself on a Sunday; just because I had an hour. There is something about the burnt colors mixed with fresh green that brings back fond memories of other Fall seasons. I think I was meant to live in Fall. I love the jacket weather and the jeans. I love hot chocolate and haunted houses. For some reason people fall in love in Fall. And I love love. So, I love Fall. As for me? No love. But I am starting to realize that being 23 is very young and leaves lots of time for that later. As for now I can stare at the Zac Efron poster hanging above my roommate's bed.
One last thing. I miss my best friend. Melissa Crandell Phelps...could you just move to Utah already? I miss our temple walks and our hammock nights. I miss Landon and Jake and Mary Kate and Ashley. I hope you know what I'm talking about. Love you.